The 'ONE BRIDGE AWAY' Effect

Everyone seems perplexed by the number of women coming out of the woodwork making all manner of allegations about sexual assault and rape. The web is crawling with people that can't understand why it has taken decades, in some cases, for these women to come forward. They must be making it up otherwise they would have cried rape a long time ago. Come on folks, lets use our heads here. Every one of us has done something stupid, something we were ashamed of at the time, something that made us look weak. Step back into that moment and ask yourself what your first reaction was.
Hide it! Maybe if we can make it look like nothing happened, no-one else will ever know. In nearly all of these cases it is not that what you did was bad. You did not stand to face punishment. You just perceived the action or event as something that others would judge you for.

Imagine that you have just been sexually assaulted. You feel ashamed of yourself for not being able to see it coming. You feel ashamed for not stopping it. You feel guilty that you must have done something to encourage it to happen.You feel dirty and used. Everything about the event is replayed in your head and you can't believe it happened to you. The shame and the guilt won't go away. You know that if anybody knew about this you could not live with the embarrassment. You stand in the shower hoping the whole thing will just go down the drain. You realize as you stand there that if you couldn't stop it from happening, what is going to prevent it from happening again? Now fear starts to build. The person that assaulted you, did so without provocation or warning. What would they be capable of if you actually did manage to tell someone?  Fear, guilt, embarrassment, all pretty powerful emotions. Now add into all this the fact that the person that attacked you is a person of influence. Maybe they control the future of your career. Maybe they are loved by millions and no-one even knows your name. If at this point you say that you would still go straight to the police, you are a liar. You are alone, just one victim, without the support you need to confront your attacker.

There was a time not so long ago, in a world before the Internet, when stories, gossip and rumour traveled a relatively finite distance. If an individual chose to have a relationship with some-one other than their spouse it was believed that as long as they went across at least one bridge or travel into another county the secret would be safe. This may have been fine before telephones and motor cars but as technology started to improve, the number of bridges one had to cross before engaging in unacceptable behaviour increased. As long as their spouse wasn't likely to accidentally wind up in conversation with the store clerk they were sleeping with, they could feel pretty safe. Predators worked the same way. Ted Bundy didn't prey on women in his own neighbourhood. He crossed bridges, and for the same reasons. Today the bridges you would need to cross could equate to an oceanic crossing and even then I am not sure that there isn't still a reasonable chance that your wife and your girlfriend aren't already Facebook friends.

A single sexual predator may have dozens of victims. Before the proliferation of social media the chances that any of those victims would ever meet or even discover the others stories were exceptionally slim. Today, if one of the victims stands up, others hear the cry and join in the chorus. The predator that is outed on the Internet will find that nearly everyone they have wronged will hear about it. Not all will come forward, but the feeling that they are no longer alone will prompt some to step out of the darkness and support the ones with the strength to tell their story. There is almost a therapeutic aspect to it. Like joining a support group. Only this group can be separated by thousands of miles.

The power of 'the many' has never been disputed. We all know that if a lone voice presents an unpopular or hard to believe idea, that voice will likely be ignored if not shunned. The more voices expressing the same idea, the easier it is for others to accept. Some voices carry far more weight than most. Social status, celebrity, financial position all make a voice louder and more influential. We can only hope that enough victims will contribute their voice. We cannot allow the predators with power and influence to drown out all the voices that are finally trying to be heard. Society has a rare chance here. Let's send a message to those that believe they are above the rules. No longer do victims need to hide their wounds. No longer should they be forced to endure shame and guilt for being preyed upon. Show the predators that fear and distance will no longer isolate their victims. In our world of 'no bridges', there is no place left to hide.

Some say that time heals all wounds. That may be true, but I can show you two old cuts. One was treated at the hospital, cleaned and stitched up. The other I just wrapped up at the time and allowed time to heal it. Forty years later, the cut that was properly treated is barely discernible. The one I tried to ignore is a nasty scar. Emotional damage works the same way. Time may heal the wound but without proper attention you can expect a lasting and sometimes debilitating scar. Often the only way to get rid of the scaring is to reopen the wound and attend to it properly. Unfortunately emotional scars require a tremendous amount of help and understanding that usually can only be found in the comfort of others that have experienced the same as you. Back in the 'one bridge' days it would be nearly impossible to find others suffering the same injury. You would have to deal with your shame and guilt in silence and alone. The age of 'no bridges' has presented us with the opportunity to seek out others with the same wounds from the comfort of our homes. A chance to finally treat the wounds and start to work on the scars as well.